I stopped by our little community store and gas station to fuel up this afternoon. While approaching the cashier counter inside, there were two little boys and a young girl asking the women behind the till prices of the items they’d chosen. Their mom had given them each an amount of money, and they were trying to figure out what their money would buy.
The elder boy looked to be about six years old, the girl maybe eight years old, and the little guy was maybe four years old.
The little guy was short 60 cents. I offered him a loonie so he could get what he’d decided he wanted to buy. But rather than go ahead and purchase what he’d chosen now that he had enough money, both boys decided to go back to the shelves to see what else they might get.
Back and forth between cashier counter and shelving they ran, obviously overwhelmed with the possibilities. A kind of negative freedom.
A few moments later, mom entered the store. The elder boy and girl had purchased what they wanted, but the little guy had now placed several items on the counter and had yet to pay. When the cashier told him the price, his mom immediately said it was too much money. She then exerted control over him and decided he was to get nothing. Which, as you can imagine, triggered him to go into hysterics.
I stood back calmly watching while she hauled him out to their van. I said to the man standing next to me, “Well, that didn’t end well,” as I was pondering if I had actually made things worse rather than better.
And he replied, “That’s good! Gotta hold him accountable.”
My inner response was, “Really? Hold that little guy accountable for what? For throwing him into an overwhelming situation without loving guidance and then over-powering him when he couldn’t manage the situation?”
His words broke the spell I seemed to be under in the moment, and I walked out of the store. Then I went to the van where mom was prying the little guy’s hands from a cement parking pillar that he clung to because he didn’t want to leave with nothing. I gently interrupted mom, and explained to her that I’d given the little guy a loonie. I said that I noticed the other boy and girl were able to buy their treats, and it didn’t seem fair to expect the little guy should know the difference between what was worth more or less. He was just trying to keep up and do what he’d been tasked with doing. He couldn’t possibly understand why he was forced to walk away with nothing.
She softened as I said to her that we — notice, I wasn’t blaming her and I was including myself in the equation — had put the little guy into an impossible situation. He was simply expressing his overwhelm. And punishing him wouldn’t help him. It was just confusing him more.
As the little guy wailed and flailed, I heard myself say, “Don’t break his spirit.”
Then I put one hand on his head and my other hand touched mom’s shoulder. And do you know what happened? Mom immediately drew him into her arms, and held him to her heart as he sobbed the deepest sobs of relief for her loving presence.
I stood with mom and the little guy, still touching them, for about two minutes. Then I thanked her for being a good mom and walked back to my car.
We entrain our children into the very frequency we hold.
Punishment is pseudo power.
Love is real power.
All children belong to One Common Mother.
We may like or dislike our personal history/herstory with our birth parents. It matters only so far as we use it — our human family of origin story — to remember that each of us is born of the One Infinite Creator. That fact is our REAL ORIGIN STORY.
When we are present to the needs of ALL children for connection rather than separation — love rather than punishment — children actually grow US up by activating our choice within to show up loving or not. And it is a choice. We have the power to help ourselves — all of our selves — live in harmony which is every being’s birth right. All day, every day and in every situation.
We are One Family. And love is the dynamic force — the ultimate frequency — that holds us together.
Love IS. So get with the program.