We live in a world created by Wounded Children who have grown into adulthood not knowing the truth of who they are. Human history runs deep. But not as deep as the truth.
To get beyond historical-hysterical thinking that teaches us to despise ourselves if we are different than the status quo, and to move beyond parental blame for the Wounded Children in all of us, we must connect with the fact that we are eternal beings born of the Great Mystery of Life.
This week has been a wild and wonder-full celebration of the truth. It began with an Evening in Damascus which is an annual event founded by Ahmed Danny Ramadan to raise awareness, and funds for Queer Syrian Refugees. At that event, Danny proposed to my son, Matthew, in a traditional way — he asked for my blessing, and then on bended knee, took centerstage to give voice to their love in ritual as witnessed by the beloved community gathered.
Now, this was an exquisite moment for I am the Disobedient Daughter of Patriarchy. I’ve spent a lifetime busting all the rules to find my own freedom. And here was a demonstration that in the freeing of myself, I’ve created a safe haven for the freedom of my children. They have caught a vision for their life together as a couple that allows them to give fuller expression to who they are and what they desire.
To be clear, I don’t speak from the Narcissistic Mother who depends on living through the lives of her children to know herself. Nope. I am drawing from my Wild-Wise Mother who has her own vision for her own life, and understands the power of her mothering presence. She doesn’t hesitate to claim her role in the story unfolding through these young men.
The celebration continues beyond the Evening in Damascus. Today was the Vancouver Pride Parade, and these sons are socially active in all the festivities leading up to, and including, today’s parade. Watching them build a community where they are safe and valued is MY deepest pride.
And what is pride?
It is the opposite of what is at the core of a Wounded Child.
A Wounded Child’s soulful expression is short-circuited by the lack of self-esteem. To be in pride, is to be well-esteemed. And to be well-esteemed, we must free ourselves from the burden of history. We need to acknowledge the fact that all children are emanations from the Great Mystery of Life that pulses far beyond the small stories we tell ourselves to endorse and empower beliefs that engender inequality.
Self-condemnation is an unconscious pattern resulting from the belief in inequality as purported by patriarchy. It wounds the child when internalized. It has us think we are not good enough. We relieve ourselves of the tension it sets up in our inner mindscape by projecting that condemnation onto others. But that kind of relief is not sustainable. It destroys lives.
The only way forward is to clear the inner burden with truth — we are each an individuated expression of the One Source! We are One Family bound by One Love living together on One Planet.
You see, unless we accept the fact that we are eternal beings arriving here through the Great Mystery of Life, we’ll continue to play too small.
I am the mother of a gay son, an Arab son, and now a queer Syrian refugee son. I hold a womb of unconditional love and acceptance for the expression of these beings whom I am privileged to behold. This makes me the most dangerous kind of wo/man for I upset the status quo. These young men are so much more than these stupid labels we encrust them with — in Reality, they are the Radiance of Life born of the Great Mystery.
When Matthew was a little boy, every night while I tucked him into his bed, he’d say to me, “Mama, I love you more than all the universes.”
There are at least one hundred billion galaxies in our universe. And our universe is just one of multiple universes. The stories humans have made up in an attempt to understand ourselves must reach deeper and go further than ever before. So it’s a darn good thing that I’ve been loved bigger than all the universes otherwise I’d still be the smallest version of myself!
Don’t ever doubt the power of one wo/man’s courage to love herself and her creations. It’s the only thing that will ever change the world.